The Bag Lady of West Los Angeles.

 

The Blue Rapid bus drops me off at  Elm and the Glatt Market. I had traveled from Huntington Beach by bus, Metro link , and the Purple Metro.  I buy three dollars worth of the Persian market's apricots at  $.69 a pound . I munch on one while I trudge up the street  to Coffee Bean. It shares a spot on the corner with Office Depot on the north side of Pico.  On the same side there are  a flower shop and a tailor.  . On the south side of Pico are a Thai Cuisine, a massage parlor, Henry's Jewelers and of course Ralph's.
   Already at eight,  cars fight for a space to park and run into the  Bean.  The scene is the usual,  with large black cars and eager drivers anxious to drink their fix for the day. I notice a long line of people and the same long black haired girl sits in the corner, hovering over her computer.
     I spot Connie  She wears a wide brimmed white hat  and her youthful appearance belies the fact she is  96 years of age. She had been my brother Mel's surrogate Mom and had known my Aunt Marion when they schooled together.  At another table, A well groomed yamaka  is coercing a gal into becoming an orthodox Jew.   A lot of heavy match making goes on at this little Bean.  As it sits more rabbinical students and rabbis than any other coffee shop.
    "Well George, do you look good in that white shirt and darling shoes."
    "I do my shopping at Old Navy and Costco. and ...do you know anything about the lady in black who sits in the corner. Any time I visit the Bean, she is there, hunched over with her computer. Is there anything wrong with her?  And why does she cover her head so?
     "It is a coincidence that you inquire about her. My daughter's best friend Shelly almost rented a room to her on Canfield across from the school.
     "Tell me more Connie...more I pleaded?"
      "She felt sorry for her since she seemed to be living inside her car, a Mercury."
      "When the hunch-bagged lady came to the door for the keys, my daughter's friend Shelly asked for her first months rent and also her driver's license. Now she had the rent money but refused to hand over her driver's license...she refused."
       At that point the lady in black limped over to go to Office Depot. her long misplaced black hair couldn't conceal the fact her face looked like a devil dog's one. She threw a sneering look my way.
       "Well let me finish George...The bag lady picked up her three bags, turned and and screamed for all of the neighbors to hear, 'Hey kiddo. I will get even with you, so be careful.'.
       Shelly called the police to reported  this threat. It seemed the police knew all about her. She goes by the name of Sally Rand, at least that is one of them. The police had some interesting things to say about her.
       Over the phone, sergeant Dick Tracy told her that she was dangerous. "Back in Brooklyn they call her the Black Widow. She had married the Cantor of a big synagogue when a youthful twenty three and their marriage just didn't make it. Her husband began to drink and see other women after the usual Saturday's  Sabbath Kiddish."
        On Pico, an ambulance goes buy and another shopping cart asks me for money. Pico has more homeless than any other westside street, a lot more during the Obama's Ministry 
       "The ;policeman told me that she became so infuriated  that she took a meat knife and slit his head open while he slept. She then tore the body to shreds and placed the parts in a meat freezer in the basement of her house."
       "Please George, not while  I sip this Mocha. But you certainly look good in that white shirt."
        :"My 12 step sponsor, Eddie, told me that 'first impressions are important, since it might be your last and only chance.' By the way, I am seeing a dentist in Huntington Beach for a split denture. His office is on Warner, two miles from the synagogue and in back of the Regent Theater where the charge is $3 for a motion picture."
        "Are you still performing at the West Hollywood Comedy Club?
         "No my eyes are failing me and only have  periphery vision"
         "What do you think of Pico today, and how it has changed."
          "Well George, in my day while I attended Freemont High School, Charles Dickens Tale of Two Cities was required reading, and that is what comes to my mind today. I have never seen so many scrubby looking bag ladies and chimney sweeps. The smell of urine is everywhere and squatters lay on bus benches."
           "/It is great that we now have a chance to do away with Obama. What a change are country has had to endure with that clown in the white house. The Middle East will never be the same since half of their populace has been killed or moved."
           "I now have chimney sweeps roaming around my block. We need to park our cars inside the locked garage now. The police are too busy eating donates at the Yum Yum on Robertson. . But let me tell you more about the bag lady inside now.
            "After she had disposed of Barney's body parts inside their Fridge, she told everybody that he had gone to Israel to plant trees...And get this, she never left her house or left garbage outside to be picked up."
            "How's that again?"
            
   
      "F